Proposal talk:Dictionary of Sydney support letter

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Firstly this is a great letter you write Liam. Thank you for the opportunity to participate, and so just a few suggestions on some words in the draft support letter.

"...we write to express our concern..." [therefore 'we' and 'our' in lieu of 'I' and 'my' thus speaking on behalf of Wikimedia Australia, and signed off by John Vandenberg, President Wikimedia Australia]

"...officially recognised as a national Chapter of the Wikimedia movement...' [i.e. not using the definitive article 'the' as we are one of many]

"...copyright license that ensures the material can be used by third parties..." [suggesting replace 'may' with 'can'; e.g. because it can be used it may well be used. vs. it may be used but can it be used? if you see my meaning]

"...considered world best practice..." [the apostrophe is possibly not required]

"We draw your attention to the comprehensive acknowledgement..." [in lieu of "Please note...".]

"...without which the global appreciation of Sydney's history would..." [i.e. world best practice (above) now becomes global appreciation]

"...or related matters we would welcome your enquiry..." ['welcome your enquiry' states it positively, vs. 'please do not hesitate' is almost a double negative.]

Thank you for the opportunity to participate; they are only small suggestions of minor change to an excellent letter.

Austwithlove 15:06, 25 July 2012 (EST) Anne Frazer

As can be confirmed from timestamps, I separately agreed with your first point enough to boldly change the text! I think I agree with all your other suggestions... Mark Hurd 15:12, 25 July 2012 (EST)
I've gone through and implemented nearly all of the changes directly as suggested. The only ones I left were "World's best practice" (I think this is correct, not "world best practice"), and "I write to express our concern..." (because it's an individual signing the letter on behalf of a group). Thanks for the help! Witty lama 18:30, 25 July 2012 (EST)
The final paragraph just needed a tweaking and hope you are ok with the change from 'may' to 'can' which you possibly missed but please change it back if I should not have changed the word. Austwithlove 19:11, 25 July 2012 (EST) Anne Frazer
done :-) Witty lama 10:14, 26 July 2012 (EST)

Done

I used 'Dear Cr <surname>' because, afaik, that is the appropriate way to address a councillor. The emails were cc:d to the public mailing list[1]. John Vandenberg 17:08, 27 July 2012 (EST)